Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions
Christian Lander
Language: English
Pages: 211
ISBN: 0812979915
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times, and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees.
They believe they’re unique, yet somehow they’re all exactly the same, talking about how they “get” Sarah Silverman’s “subversive” comedy and Wes Anderson’s “droll” films. They’re also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic sushi. They’re organic, ironic, and do not own TVs.
You know who they are: They’re white people. And they’re here, and you’re gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here’s a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being.
Praise for STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE:
“The best of a hilarious Web site: an uncannily accurate catalog of dead-on predilections. The Criterion Collection of classic films? Haircuts with bangs? Expensive fruit juice? ‘Blonde on Blonde’ on the iPod? The author knows who reads The New Yorker and who wears plaid.”
–Janet Maslin’s summer picks, CBS.com
“The author of "Stuff White People Like" skewers the sacred cows of lefty Caucasian culture, from the Prius to David Sedaris. . . . It gently mocks the habits and pretensions of urbane, educated, left-leaning whites, skewering their passion for Barack Obama and public transportation (as long as it's not a bus), their idle threats to move to Canada, and joy in playing children's games as adults. Kickball, anyone?”
–Salon.com
“A handy reference guide with which you can check just how white you are. Hint: If you like only documentaries and think your child is gifted, you glow in the dark, buddy.”
–NY Daily News
counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle. Kitchen gadgets also serve as one of the main reasons why white people get married. Look at their registry and you will find products for any possible kitchen task. If you end up buying one of these for a white person, your card should mention the beautiful food that you hope you can eat together one day. This kind of stuff goes over like gangbusters. If you find yourself locked in a conversation about kitchen gadgets, a good way to say a
a white person’s home and ask, “Who designed that?” If they say “IKEA” or “Design Within Reach,” you can call it a chair; otherwise refer to it only by the name they give you. It should also be noted that many white people are unable to acquire this furniture, but that does not mean you cannot use this information to your advantage. In situations where you need to improve your connection with a white person, just mention how you hope to be successful enough to one day afford an original piece of
(“Getting Lucky in Kentucky”) are completely unacceptable. They are beloved by the wrong kind of white people, and must be avoided at all costs. This information is best applied when you are planning on attending a social gathering. Your T-shirt says a lot about you, and if it’s the right kind of shirt it will set white people at ease. Also, asking a white person, “Where did you get that shirt?” will allow them to tell you a detailed story about how they acquired it. This will enable them to
jokes about not having any money, they are secretly criticizing those with money for not trying to be an artist or working for a nonprofit organization. Within modern white society, this type of humor is considered essential for any sort of romantic success. When a white male says, “I’m so bad with girls, I think the Unabomber gets more girls than me. Do you remember that guy? I’ll bet he at least gets letters in jail.” If the woman he is talking to is even slightly interested, she will be
engaging.” Nick Hornby, How to Be Good “I fell in love with Hornby when I read High Fidelity in 1995, and I think he gets better with each book. This one is my absolute favorite though.” Jay McInerney, Bright Lights, Big City Note: This novel is written in second person (“You step outside,” etc.). This makes it very easy to test if a white person has actually read it or just watched the movie starring Michael J. Fox. Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho “Reading Ellis is like watching an