Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead
Robert Brockway
Language: English
Pages: 272
ISBN: 0307464342
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Just when you thought you’d accepted your own mortality . . . Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody is bringing panic back. Twenty illustrated, hilariously fear-inducing
essays reveal the chilling and very real experiments, dangerous emerging technologies, and terrifying natural disasters that soon could—or very nearly already did—bring about the end of humanity. In short, everything in here will kill you and everyone you love. At any moment. And nobody’s told you about it—until now:
• Experiments in green energy like the HiPER, which uses massive lasers to create a tiny “contained” sun; it’s an idea that could save the world if it doesn’t consume us all in a fiery fusion reaction first.
• Global disasters like the hypercane—a hurricane so large it could cover all of North America and shoot trailer parks into space!
• Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat—an invention in the running for “Worst Decision Made by Anybody.”
is said of containing this energy in the event of a failure. Forgive me for being a tad bit worried when somebody borrows a plot point from a comic book supervillain’s best-laid revenge schemes just to power their home, but creating a miniature sun on the surface of the Earth seems like the God King of bad ideas. After all, back in the ’40s there were rumblings that the first nuclear tests would ignite the oxygen in the atmosphere, leading to a global chain reaction that would, in turn, ignite
of humor. On the downside, your fear of dying a horrible death is apparently his favorite punch line. More of God’s Favorite Punch Lines “Liquor? I hardly knew her!” “Because he was stuck to the chicken!” “I have a wife and kids!” “I want to live! I want to liiive!” When the mountain falls, the ensuing wave will initially reach heights of more than 2,000 feet, but would likely settle out to a paltry 100 when it hits land … in New York, in Boston, in Florida—the entire eastern
engaged in a gargantuan, planetary-scale accidental orgy. Luckily Eric Drexler wrote another essay years later that tells us that Gray Goo is just not ever going to happen. He assures us that there is simply no practical need for nanobots to be self-teplicating, because it would make far more sense to build tiny “nanofactories” that manufacture completely nonreplicating robots. The factories themselves wouldn’t be autonomous; they’d be immobile and dependent on human resupply, so there would be
disasters like to gangbang the Earth like an aging porn star desperate for rent money, just suggests a God too perverted and cruel for the human mind to comprehend. So, rather than believe that God uses double-header disasters to fuck life out of existence, there are some scientists who would like to politely suggest that the Verneshot, not a meteor strike and flood basalt flow, is the more reasonable explanation, if only to retain one’s sanity. Of course, it is just a theory. Most ideas in
cancer, and the game is rigged against you. While the more reasonable theories argue that the flip is a long and intricate process taking thousands of years to fully complete, a few people insist that the only way a magnetic shift this large can occur is from a huge planetary body passing so close to the Earth that the torque from its influence literally shifts the geographical locations of the poles—sending Sweden to South Africa and vice versa. The continents themselves would shift on the