Twitter Wit
Language: English
Pages: 176
ISBN: B002LUHZB4
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
The first authorized Twitter book, Twitter Wit is a collection of the most clever one-liners posted on the massively popular social networking and micro-blogging website. Featuring a foreword by Twitter co-founder Biz Stone and tweets from celebrities such as Ashton Kutcher, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Neil Gaiman, Margaret Cho, Stephen Fry, Rainn Wilson, Penn Jillette, Diablo Cody, Michael Ian Black, Paula Poundstone, Eugene Mirman, Russell Brand, Aziz Ansari, Lisa Lampanelli, and John Hodgman, this It books paperback original, edited by Nick Douglas, demonstrates that inside every moment is a joke waiting to be written.
green bean. MsHiss I have a lot of writing to do today. Imagine that I’m saying that with a gigantic smile. Also, for the hell of it, put me in a top hat. redrabbit Your baby did not appreciate my Pacino impression. I don’t know, he crawled outside somewhere. Yeah, well, maybe my FEELINGS got run over! fireland Just bought a watch on sale that’s water resistant to 100 m, so if I ever find myself down that deep, I’ll know what time I died. adtothebone 5yo pointing towards disposal in
hard having a 5 yr old who doesn’t KNOW. anitan “Did you just fart?” “Well, I didn’t *just* fart; there was pageantry and tradition.” Notactuallyme So many input boxes. Ever go to search for a girl on Facebook and set her name as your status instead? Yeah, I just did that. robinsloan We are men of coffee, sleep does not become us. aragszxki Oh so we have to be all cryptic and call them “magic” brownies but we can come right out and say pot pie? delfie Dear McDonald’s: I don’t care
sister’s part. abigvictory Pro tip: If your drummer isn’t sweating, you need to rock harder. MsHiss Are you gonna kiss your mother with that mouth? Just gimme about 5 minutes here and it’s all yours. Mike_FTW Great. There’s a hole in my unicorn. MissRFTC The DVD of my life will include a four-hour montage of me trying to open packs of gum. Rayke That rehab song is gonna be a lot sadder when that poor girl fucking DIES. alinasmith While most people name their fists Fury or
to the Gitmo job-skills program: Those guys find work as soon as they get out. Ryan_Durham The baggage carousel sounds a lot more fun than it actually is. ingridmusic You can have my BK Cheesy Sausage Wrap when you pry it from my stiff, inflamed, gout-riddled fingers. Just take it. sloganeerist Razor ads for men: YEAH! You’re a man! Scraping metal across your jugular! Laugh in death’s face! Razor ads for women: Tee-hee! It’s PINK! seanhussey Have you ever noticed that Trader Ming and
format for spirited conversation: a service that only gives you 140 characters to make your point. It’s like holding the presidentia debates via bumper sticker. * * * I propose every American get one free killing. We’d all be nicer to each other because you’d never know if someone had used theirs up. smartgoat I’m not exactly one to bring the funk, but perhaps I shall rent the funk for the day. jackholt OK. If you were my ambition and career goals, where would you be hiding?