The Villain's Guide to Better Living
Neil Zawacki
Language: English
Pages: 160
ISBN: 0811856666
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
All those aspiring ne'er-do-wells who cackled all the way to the cash register with the best-selling How to Be a Villain are ready to embrace the finer points of the evil life with The Villain's Guide to Better Living. Within lie the answers to such trying questions as: Home d cor -- Gothic? Apocalyptic? Ikea? Friends -- Do I have any? Can I make them? Work -- Should I be a mad scientist or a corporate bastard? Written by the author of How to Be a Villain, this fiendish lifestyle guide is a must-have for any villain who knows more about programming TiVo than about entertaining with panache.
ruthless backstabbing and subterfuge techniques, as well as develop lifelong relationships with organized crime. Plus, you’ll get to find out where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. All is not sunshine and roses, however. Drawbacks include widespread bureaucracy and the occasional enslavement of a family member. There are also outrageous dues that would be better spent improving your lair. You’ll just have to weigh the positive with the negative and decide if it’s worth it. Are you a solitary evil-doer, or
beat, and even the Chex Mix fails to bring a smile. To counteract this lethargy you need drastic measures. It’s time for party tricks. Villains not yet versed in the occult should learn to perform magic to enhance their usual dirty tricks. Classics like “Make the Hero Disappear” and “Saw the Sidekick in Half” are great crowd-pleasers, and you’ll get even bigger laughs when you claim you can’t put the sidekick back together. When you finish by transforming yourself into an armor-plated robotic
T-shirt” T-shirt and you’ll laugh and hiss about your misadventure for years to come. going through customs When traveling between countries you will have the inevitable problem of dealing with customs agents. You can’t simply enter a foreign power with a lethal man-eating plant—that thing might have fruit flies. Customs is certainly a hassle, but there are some things you can do to make the experience easier. Travel under the name of someone less likely to be hassled, like the pope. Learn
results in low energy. If you want to become the greatest criminal mastermind possible, it’s time to put down that Twinkie and start eating right. You can achieve this through some simple changes in your diet. Stop eating any fruits and vegetables, as they will cause nothing but problems. Try the souls of the damned. Low in cholesterol and high in fiber, they are appetizer, meal, and just desserts all in one. Blood is another highly nutritious food, and it has the added benefit of putting a
to any postings for the job of “despot,” “varlet,” or anything else that sounds fun (but be warned: “corporate headhunter” is not at all what it sounds like). If that fails to net a reply, cold-call corporations that sound especially evil to ask if they have any openings. Eventually you should get an interview, to which you will want to wear your best suit. You might think you look better in full battle armor, but go for the conservative look here: cape, ascot, top hat, and pointy boots. Greet