Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American: Arming Yourself against Godless Liberals, Dirty Socialists, and Sexy Ideas
Roland Boyle
Language: English
Pages: 123
ISBN: 2:00339134
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
a parody
Spiraling debt! Unemployment! Regulations! Bailouts! Gun control! The End Times!
America is in desperate need of a good teabagging. And whether you're an angry conservatice patriot or a godless wussy liberal dirty poopy socialist, The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American will give you the balls to do it.
This book has the answers. Answers to questions like, Why did Jesus write the Constitution? This secret knowledge was given by God to the author, Roland Boyle, as he traveled America from rally to gun show, holding prayer meetings in public buildings and drinking heavily. So you know it's all true--especially the SEX chapter.
But don't take this book's word for it! Listen to what other Real Americans aren't saying:
"This book is damp from me squirting hot patriotic tears of joy and possibly rage all over it." -Glenn Beck
"I'd like to shoot this book in the face." -Dick Cheney
"This is a book which is made of paper and has information in it also." -Sarah Palin®
Be a Real American. Buy this book.
it’s a bus that runs on rails—they’re still working out the kinks) with his racist blog, but was quickly given the boot (an expensive parting gift, usually a mukluk stuffed with cash). And TPE co-founder Howard Kaloogian is the former congressional candidate whose campaign website posted the famous “quiet street” photo as proof that America had brought order to Iraq (the street was actually in Turkey). So these guys know what they’re doing. The National Tea Party Federation Not much is known
Body Snatchers. The chanting was a little creepy, OK. But why the flummoxation? God gave us this vast, abundant land so we could plunder it. When the first Anglos arrived on the North American continent, they looked around and said, “Yo, lookit all this cheddar, mang!” They proceeded to slice up that cheddary wealth among the crackers: white, male property owners. Looking at the original Constitution, before all those liberal nervous Nellies added hand-wringing amendments to extend those rich,
religion,” Scalia will tear ’em a new one, insisting that the Establishment Clause was never intended to limit the religious life of Americans, but to prevent government from giving one religion preferential treatment over others. (Sometimes El Supremo’s doctrine of “originalism” has to wander pretty far from the original source in order to make a Scaliargument®.) If the hapless liberal quotes the famous letter by Thomas Jefferson that uses the phrase “wall of separation between church and
He requested that attendees not bring protest signs. He wanted a religious gathering that was only political, really, because of the setting: the National Mall between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument. The rally really did have a weirdly calm mood. The biggest entertainment, aside from a few heart-stirring warblings of God-and-country anthems, was tracking the liberal media coverage of the event. They couldn’t figure out how to attack it. The best they could do was to criticize
date (—ed.) 3 Unless fact-checked (which I do, even if no one else does. —ed.) 4 Where “unimpeachable” means “fuzzy” (Get it straight, Boyle. —ed.) 5 Read “obsessively foists” (Good thing you have an editor, Boyle! —ed.) 6 A.k.a. “mendacious, tear-soaked screeds” (Figure it out, Boyle! —ed.) 7 And by “receive the gift of America’s enduring legacy” we mean “endure the rhetorical equivalent of fingernails screeching across a chalkboard filled with incomprehensible diagrams and misspellings”