You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool
Celia Rivenbark
Language: English
Pages: 256
ISBN: 0312614209
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere
In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as:
- Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey
- I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long
- Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character
- Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid
- Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good!
- And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube
- And much more!
And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.
For my sister, Stephanie Rivenbark, and my sisters-in-law, Linda and Judy Whisnant Table of Contents Title Page 1 - Taking the Class Out of Yoga 2 - When Underwear Jokes Bomb, the Terrorists Win 3 - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid 4 - Kiosk Bee-otch Makes Mall Trip Treacherous 5 - Moral Fiber Can’t Help Your Colon 6 - Twitter Woes: I’ve Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character 7 - Bitter! Party of Me 8 - Road Trip to Nuh-what-kah Rouses Suspicions 9 -
beside the hundred-count packages of Pork-On-A-Stick. Oh my God, where was I? Yes, yes, disciplined writing. I think it’s a good idea to write at least ten pages a day. I mean, I’ve never done that but it sounds like a really good place to start, doesn’t it? Once you’ve gotten published, it’s important not to let it go to your head. Don’t do dumb stuff like, if somebody calls you by your first name, say: “That’s mister Asshole to you,” or whatever. People hate that. It’s very important,
fancy imported car and takes him to her house, where he will spend the next few weeks sleeping beneath an Yves Delorme comforter on her couch. Which strikes me as weird, since her crib looks like it would have at least a dozen spare bedrooms. Let’s just say that gorditas have been very, very good to this family. She works a little, too, as all good tough-talkin’ Southern belles do, and naturally it’s as an interior decorator. This makes it possible for the movie to include a few shrieking phone
It’s a simple change of registration. Why Palin/Jackson? That’s easy. These are power women who know how to generate a ton of ink. When people stopped talking about Palin after the 2008 election, she got right back in the spotlight for “ya know, doin’ the quittin’ thing because it’s the ones who, ya know, stay in office and things like that, which erode our, ya know, values and stuff.” And La Toya is fond of conspiracy theories which are, to borrow from the old Addams Family theme, “creepy and
will tread into the wildest stretches of comedic terrain.” —The State (Columbia, S.C.) Acknowledgments Every encouraging word, shared memory, and funny story has powered me up and onward and I am truly grateful to a slew of wonderful folks for sustaining and inspiring me in more ways than I can count. They include: Luleen Anderson, Bob Bauman, Leon Brown, Lucy Bell, Nathan Bell, Diane Minshew, Debbie Houlditch, Beth Blackwell, Joe and Mary Ellen Bonczyk (the perfect couple, for real), Todd