Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It
Bob Berkowitz
Language: English
Pages: 256
ISBN: 006119204X
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
An estimated twenty million American men and women are in relationships in which the man has stopped being sexually intimate. Is the problem physical, emotional, or psychological—or are these guys simply bored with their partners?
To find answers, bestselling author and relationship expert Dr. Bob Berkowitz and his wife, Susan Yager-Berkowitz, began an unprecedented survey of more than four thousand men and women in this situation, gathering data and following up with hundreds of interviews with selected respondents. Why Men Stop Having Sex provides a unique window into the sexless man's mind—so that men and women can understand this important issue and begin to address the problems that have inhibited intimacy, and ultimately solve them.
him reject her so completely? What happened fifteen years ago? Did he begin to suffer from erectile dysfunction, and chose abstinence or solitary sex over the possible humiliation of impotence? Was there a trauma she hasn’t revealed? Did something make him so angry he’s withholding sex as punishment? Does he suffer from depression? Is he on medication that is lowering his libido? There are many reasons why a man might stop being sexual with his partner, and often several of them overlap. She
tried watching with him, but I just didn’t like it. (Female, 36) why women think their husbands stop having sex 41 This woman brings up the question of addiction. Addiction to online pornography is not a pathology recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. Some therapists say it doesn’t exist; others believe it does. Some say it is abnormal behavior, but call it a compul-sion, or poor impulse control. Whatever the label (and we, frankly, don’t care), it’s damaging to the preceding
derogatory words. For example, if the conversation begins with “You’re lazy,” that’s all her husband will hear, even though she may go on to logically explain why she feels justified in making the statement. What she should do is express her grievances, and then suggest a solution. For example: “I think the house is messy. I know that this bothers me more than it does you, and maybe it’s because most of the responsibility to clean and do laundry seems to be left up to me. We both work hard, and
44 percent of the men said they were furious. They felt criticized and controlled, undervalued and insignificant, yet many couldn’t, or wouldn’t, talk about it with their partners. Afraid of yet another fight, or a long list of things they’re doing wrong, they shut down emotionally and sexually. My wife is so overly critical, in every possible way, starting with my work, telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing and telling me how I should be living my life. She treats me like a child,
minority of American households, and those living unmarried, with partners, is increasing. Roberts, Sam. To be married means to be out-numbered. New York Times: October 15, 2006; Nearly half of Americans in their 30s and 40s have cohabited. Roberts, Sam. The shelf life of bliss. New York Times, July 1, 2007. ONE. WHEN MEN STOP HAVING SEX 13 “in the vast amount of couples consulting me about desire complaints it’s the women who want more and the man who always has a headache”: Zilbergeld, 226