Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to Coast, from Seattle's Sweaters to Maine's Microbrews
Christian Lander
Language: English
Pages: 232
ISBN: 0812982061
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
HOW WHITE YOU ARE!
If you thought you had white people pegged as Oscar-party-throwing, Prius-driving, Sunday New York Times–reading, self-satisfied latte lovers—you were right. But if you thought diversity was just for other races, then hang on to your eco-friendly tote bags. Veteran white person Christian Lander is back with fascinating new information and advice on dealing with the Caucasian population.
Sure, their indie-band T-shirts, trendy politics, vegan diets, and pop-culture references make them all seem the same. But a closer look reveals that from Austin to Australia, from L.A. to the U.K., indigenous white people are as different from one another as 1 percent rBGH-free milk is different from 2 percent. Where do skinny jeans and bulky sweaters rule? Where is down-market beer the nectar of the hip? If you want to know the places cute girls with bangs and cool guys with beards roam and emo musicians and unpaid interns call home, you’d better switch off the Adult Swim reruns, put down that copy of The Onion, pick up this book, and prepare to see the white.
the same, in many ways they are slightly, superficially different. But then again, there are few things that white people like more than slight, superficial differences. For proof, ask one about the difference between punk and post-punk and you're likely to see your afternoon evaporate with a drawn-out pointless argument. So I've set out to continue finding all those things that bind white people together in unity, but this time I want to take it further. I want to take it to the independent
sticker to his car and the process began anew until enough people had changed their views to form what is now known as the city of Portland, Oregon. The only other acceptable sticker option for white people is the white oval country tag sticker used commonly in Europe to help identify cars that cross international borders. Though they actually serve a function in Europe, white people use the stickers to show people where they like to take vacations. If you know a white person with one of these
financial gain. Since the sport has yet to be integrated, you could command a high fee in terms of money or favors if you agree to join one of the many white leagues in your area. To a white person, having a diverse Ultimate team is almost as good as winning the championship. Almost. In addition, white people have also created a sport called disc golf. In this game, you see how many throws it takes to get a disc into a receptacle. There is no other pertinent information about this sport, and its
truth. In theory, camping should be a very inexpensive activity, since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is. Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs. The first stage of
that proved your tomatoes were somehow descended from the farm of George Washington Carver, white people would probably pay $20 per tomato not only for the flavor but for the opportunity to eat progress. With its advanced pedigree, one-of-a-kind shape and taste, high earning potential, and elevated status at a fanner's market, the heirloom tomato is the food equivalent to everything that white people hope to be. If you present one as a gift to a white person, be sure to mention how much the fruit