The Traveling Dildo Salesman
Kevin L. Donihe
Language: English
Pages: 69
ISBN: B018M3BOGA
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Ralph was a traveling dildo salesman. His selection was vast, and all models were stamped MADE IN HEAVEN. Under the watchful glare of a giant eyeball in the sky, Ralph walks door to door selling dildos. He doesn't know why he sells dildos, but he does know that with each house, and each strange customer, he moves closer to solving the mystery of the eternal dildo curse. A nightmare comedy about destiny, faith, and sex toys, The Traveling Dildo Salesman is another classic from Kevin L. Donihe, the Wonderland Award-winning author of House of Houses and Night of the Assholes. This edition also features Donihe's most lurid and infamous short stories: Milky Agitation, Two-Way Santa, The Helen Mower, Living Room Zombies, and Revenge of the Living Masturbation Rag.
it for me. No more room for doubt. I had given alcohol to and spooned with the embodiment of Christmas himself, and there he was, still on my bed and available to me. There were so many things I wanted—and perhaps needed—to ask him. “but why didn’t I get that scooter when I was eight? I wanted it more than anything.” “Well, you were a bad boy that year. remember what you did to your older brother, billy?” The name plucked a chord in me. I hadn’t thought about billy in quite some time. He’d
or maybe I just don’t care anymore. Never had much to begin with. Wouldn’t have amounted to anything if I’d lived...” “don’t be hard on yourself, randy. It’s okay. I wouldn’t 90 Living room Zombies have amounted to much, either. I’m not even employed! you’re one up on me there.” He shook his head. “It’s just that I regret so much. I never landed a decent job. Never found my soulmate. Never went to Europe. Never did a lot of things. There was so much that I planned to do but was always too
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to be freshly wrought tiger skin. It covered one eye, most of his forehead and left cheek. ralph hated the sight of blood, and his mind conjured up images of what might lay below the strange bandage, even as he launched into his spiel. “Hello, sir! My name is ralph, and—” The man didn’t let him finish. “Are you a salesman?” he said. It hadn’t sounded like a question. “ummm, I, uhhhh…” “Are you or aren’t you?” “I am, sir.” He folded his arms across his chest. “I don’t much like salesmen.”