Overqualifieder
Language: English
Pages: 96
ISBN: 1770412859
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Applying for a job is stupid. It is a demeaning, humiliating exercise in learning to grovel in front of faceless strangers. Everyone who has ever sent a job application letter has felt the urge, the temptation to say what they really think. To say something completely insane, or to be brutally honest. With 2007’s Overqualified, Joey Comeau acted on those urges and delivered a book collecting his cover letters. “It’s sad and fragmented and, in places, funny,” the L.A. Times said. But even after the dozens of insane, hilarious, and sometimes strangely sad job application letters, he still didn’t get the job. So he’s at it again. A person needs to work, you know? But he’s had to step things up a bit. Were the letters not insane enough? Was he not sad or stupid enough? Did he not threaten to bite as many CEOs as he should have? There’s only one way to find out: OVERQUALIFIEDER.
when I read these threats I feel like I am underwater, and going deeper and deeper and then — POP! — everything is fine again. The important thing is living. My stepfather says my debt will double in ten years. And then in ten years it will double again. Maybe. And maybe in ten years that will double. That sounds frightening, I guess, except that I’m not going to live forever, am I? There’s a flaw in their math. Forty thousand times two is eighty thousand times two is one hundred and sixty
ground hard and my lungs went empty. Grass in my mouth, mud between my fingers. I climbed back up, tearing my hands on rust and too angry to care. Adrian laughed until I was right there, until I was up on that barn again and I almost had him, and then he turned and leapt. He never looked first. I learned that from my younger brother. You don’t look first. You jump and you trust that your body knows what to do. You don’t know what I mean, do you, Absolut? Your commercials are all pretty pictures
your company, and I have included my resume for your review. You will find that every reference and each previous job will check out as valid, but I think that it’s important to be honest: my assigned mission is to take you down, from the inside. Little things, you know? I’m supposed to fudge your tax records a bit, leave you open to audit. Misdirect shipments. Eat away at your profits. I’m here to speed up the peak oil problem, because after that the world starts getting better. And it gets
and again in the profoundly sex-negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediately regret it. Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom, “Do you still love me?” and you pretend to be asleep. You press the A button rhythmically, to control your breath, to keep it even. Yours, Joey Comeau 40 part two. Dear Apple, I am writing to apply for a position with your company, and I am including my resume for your
and again in the profoundly sex-negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediately regret it. Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom, “Do you still love me?” and you pretend to be asleep. You press the A button rhythmically, to control your breath, to keep it even. Yours, Joey Comeau 40 part two. Dear Apple, I am writing to apply for a position with your company, and I am including my resume for your