Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment
Language: English
Pages: 248
ISBN: 1608827526
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
In Living and Loving after Betrayal, therapist and relationship expert Steven Stosny offers effective tools for healing, based on his highly successful CompassionPower program. He founded the CompassionPower agency on the belief that we are more powerful when compassionate than when angry or aggressive, and that true strength comes from relating compassionately to others and remaining true to your deeper values. In this book, you’ll learn practical strategies for overcoming betrayal-induced trauma and the chronic resentment and depression that result, using this innovative compassion-empowerment approach.
Most books on betrayal only focus on the obvious issues, such as infidelity, abuse, or sex addiction. This book explores the effects of those kinds of betrayal, as well as less-talked-about types, such as emotional manipulation, dishonesty, deceit, and financial cheating. In addition, the book helps you regain a sense of trust in others so that you can eventually find another compassionate person to share your life with or, if you choose, to rebuild a relationship with your reformed betrayer.
Recovering from the betrayal of partner isn’t easy, but Living and Loving after Betrayal offers potent ways to heal, grow, and love again.
day she committed to a healing identity.) A Healing Identity Is Responsible and Powerful It may seem patently unfair that the injured party in an intimate betrayal has to take responsibility for her personal healing. That’s because healing has nothing to do with fairness; it has to do with power. Where blame renders us powerless, responsibility empowers us. For example, it was clearly unfair that I was mugged while walking down the street one night. But while my assailant was entirely to
your progress in healing and growth. Although the power of core value lies in the ability to control the meaning of your experience in the present, it also gives a perspective on the lifelong task of creating value and meaning. On a separate sheet of paper, fill out the following list once every other month. For each item on the list, answer “some,” “a lot,” or “an enormous number/amount.” You should notice significant movement over time—from small numbers to larger ones. Lifetime Core Value
so on. We tend to cut off the peaks and valleys by staying a little resentful all the time. Low-grade resentment keeps us from getting very angry and very depressed. It’s understandable and natural to use resentment to avoid the anger-depression roller coaster that follows intimate betrayal. All of my betrayed clients had done so for quite some time before treatment. Their lives had become joyless drives to get things done. They did everything they needed to do—resentment has enough energy to
feelings of anger, contempt, envy, or disgust, which have deleterious effects on health and relationships. Exercise: Conviction The purpose of this exercise is to develop a habit of acting with conviction in all matters important to you. Although it uses past decisions and behaviors, the point is less about compensating for past mistakes than acting with conviction now and in the future. On a separate piece of paper, describe a decision you made or something you did after your betrayal that
eventually bear the brunt of that resentment and almost certainly feel diminished in the relationship. Eventually, you’ll feel betrayed. Very Early Warning Sign #3: Entitlement People with a sense of entitlement feel that they deserve special consideration and special treatment. They may cut in front of others waiting in line, smoke wherever they want, drive any way they want, say anything they like, and do pretty much whatever they choose, with little consideration of others. Driven by high