Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective
Garrett Cook
Language: English
Pages: 120
ISBN: 1936383632
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
In a city ridden with prostitute furries, cannibal cops and warehouse-sized mob bosses, I've got my work cut out for me. My name is Jimmy Plush. I'm a private detective. I'm also a teddy bear. It all started when the original Jimmy Plush entered my life, offering to take my gambling debts away if I agreed to switch bodies with him. But I didn't know that being a three-foot-high plush toy would be such a living hell, especially now that everyone in town wants a piece of me. All I've gotten out of this deal is a faithful Chinese chauffeur, a custom teddybear .45, and a girlfriend who won't take off the fox suit she turns tricks in. Now I've got to keep this town clean and try to track down the real Jimmy Plush without losing my stuffing for good. Only one thing is for sure: Life is hard when you're soft. Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective is a high octane pulp satire. In the tradition of Sam Spade, The Shadow, Dick Tracy, Hellboy and Howard the Duck comes a new kind of hero, a hero that reminds us that the measure of a man is in his guts and his gun.
already have no brains into mindless slaves, controlling the mayor, taking the last little piece of the city he didn’t have. Clever for once, Vic, clever. But you didn’t count on your actor singin’ like a canary. “Nah,” he answered, deflating my solution to the case, “he wasn’t a Chinaman. He was from someplace else. I think it was…” Before he could finish his thought, somebody was banging on the coatroom door. “Just hang it on a chair!” I shouted at the rude son-of-a-bitch outside. Whoever it
should be. And you should be scared of a man that left you two to be turned into mindless undead slaves.” Skinny and Johnny both put hands on their chins, visibly pondering my words. “So, boys, are you more obligated to a man that left you for dead or one that’s saved your life and will kill you if you try to protect the man that left you for dead.” They shook, but continued to appear obstinate. “Pair of cupcakes like you might not know what it’s like to lose a woman, but I’ve lost two. If
Muffinhead Howard is called Muffinhead Howard because he has a muffin for a head, that’s pretty disgusting.” “No. His sister had a snickerdoodle for a head.” That made a bit more sense. Snickerdoodles are a very sensual cookie. “That one I can understand. She sounds cute.” “She was, until he got tired of her and bit her head off.” That was disgusting. “How could you work for a man like that?” Chang shrugged. “Hard to find good jobs for Chinese in this town. They fired me from kitchen of
blowdart to the neck. And then Don Pedro. As I blacked out from a blowdart to the neck, I could hear the turtle sigh. “I warned you.” I awakened to typical post blowdart trouble. Chang, Don Pedro, Francois and I were tied to giant beef jerky sticks. Jackalheaded men were dancing around is in a circle, chanting in some nonsense language. Maybe it was a nonsense language. Maybe it was just French or something. I don’t know, all those languages sound like nonsense to me. That was typical post
unlike some people, I wasn’t there for leisure. I knew this day would start off with a couple of annoyances, but I thought it would end at that. The first one, I’d figured on. Having no private residence, I had a tendency to sleep in my office. I also had a lapdog of a Chinese chauffeur that had a habit of waiting outside with my limo ready to go and a tragic attempt at coffee in his hand. I stepped outside, and I was right. There was Chang with coffee staler than politics and pictures. I sighed.