Born Weird
Andrew Kaufman
Language: English
Pages: 115
ISBN: 0307357643
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
The Weirds have always been a little off, but not one of them ever suspected that they'd been cursed by their grandmother.
At the moment of the births of her five grandchildren Annie Weird gave each one a special power. Richard, the oldest, always keeps safe; Abba always has hope; Lucy is never lost and Kent can beat anyone in a fight. As for Angie, she always forgives, instantly. But over the years these so-called blessings ended up ruining their lives.
Now Annie is dying and she has one last task for Angie: gather her far-flung brothers and sisters and assemble them in her grandmother's hospital room so that at the moment of her death, she can lift these blessings-turned-curses. And Angie has just two weeks to do it.
What follows is a quest like no other, tearing up highways and racing through airports, from a sketchy Winnipeg nursing home to the small island kingdom of Upliffta, from the family's crumbling ancestral Toronto mansion to a motel called Love. And there is also the search for the answer to the greatest family mystery of all: what really happened to their father, whose maroon Maserati was fished out of a lake so many years ago?
filled with them,” Grandmother Weird said. “Everywhere you look there coincidences will be. Coincidence! Coincidence! Coincidence! But the moment you accept there is no such thing, they will disappear forever and you’ll never encounter another.” Angie tried not to vomit. The corridor, in fact the whole hospital, smelled like artificial pine. But her grandmother’s ridiculous speech was as nausea-making as the smell of disinfectant. Hearing her grandmother’s words reminded Angie of everything she
end of the counter. When she flicked it everything turned on all at once. Red and green lights shone from the ceiling. Disco music played through hidden speakers, filling the air with the sounds of KC and the Sunshine Band. A mirror ball turned in the middle of the rink and tiny squares of light drifted across the walls and the floor. Angie searched the shelves until she found a pair of size six roller skates. She laced them on, tightly. She took slow careful steps to the edge of the rink.
I gave it to you,” Grandmother Weird said. “Of course.” “The power to forgive.” “I know. Wait. Gave me what?” “It was your father’s fault. That idiotic car. Whoever heard of driving a Maserati in the city? I knew it would define you.” “The car?” “I knew you’d spend your whole life having to find it in yourself to forgive your parents for almost killing you before you were even born. With your very first breath you needed the power to forgive. It’s odd because forgiveness is not something
fingers stretched open. He balanced on his toes. Then his body slumped onto the freshly washed floor. The lightning turned. It moved slowly through the air. Angie stepped into the hallway. The lightning stopped in front of her. Shades of red, from rust to ruby, shimmered from its tail to its tip. Angie raised her hands. She opened her palms. “Please don’t hurt the baby,” Angie said. It darted into her. BOOK FOUR: The Love Motel PAULETTE’S SHOES REMAINED ON her hands, not her feet, and Angie
Richard and Lucy held the shoulders. Angie ran ahead. Moving chairs and plant stands, she cleared a path. They lifted their father from the bed and they carried him through the living room, around the counter and out of the motel. Their boots slipped in the snow. Their arms got tired. They carried him all the way to the crumpled Maserati. It was easy for Kent to get through the passenger window. The opposite was true for their father’s body. “I have never known him not to want to get into this